can't sleep

Time check, 4:30......(blame my primary school math's teacher who never made the am pm thing stick, so i'm not exactly sure if its am or pm)......in the morning and I'm still awake. I am an insomniac, i'm not proud of it, infact i hate it. Who would be happy to still be awake at this time while the world around you is still asleep. Insomnia sucks.. I just know i'll be grumpy come dawn because of my lack of sleep. Bleh.

Self Esteem

I am a black beautiful African girl, I am on the plump side probably because for me now the word diet doesn't exist... I don't have perfect teeth but i have a perfect smile... I am alot goofy, way too cheeky, atleast that's what i'm told (Gloria oba you meant my big cheeks, hmmmm). I am basically just your run-of-the-mill average, not so average girl.

However before i was all the above, before i accepted myself, i was a mess, both physically and emotionally and thats what this post is about, self esteem and how it affects us, rather how low esteem affected me.

Growing up, i was just your normal everyday girl.. However when i hit puberty, i started seeing all these novels, magazines and movies all of which clearly defined what beauty was and it was; clear skin, thin bodies, tiny waist, perfect face and oh maaaan the perfection of these ladies, you just couldn't compare or compete. I think, though, it was all designed in a way to make you want to be like those ladies. And the fact that I couldn't measure up to such standards of beauty made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

Reality Vs Fairy Tales

In a society filled with independent, free-thinking women who portray an 'i-don't-care' attitude, would it be safe to say that the pursuit and therefore need of Mr.Right has been discarded? WRONG!!!
I'll be the first to admit that i would love for a knight in shining armour to come and sweep me off my feet and carry me into the sunset. Of course seeing as armours are no longer in style and are abit clunky honestly, a knight in shining Armani will do........but I'm also a practical person and a firm believer in reality and i believe that most of the ladies think like me(can i get an Amen). I lay the blame on all those fairy tales and TV shows and movies that sell us the idea of 'and they lived happily ever after'

so let's talk parallels between the fairy tales and reality

fairy tale
Prince charming was tall, muscular, handsome with blond hair and blue eyes (ok that part the blond and blue eyes is abit of a stretch but you get the drift) and was generally mr. Nice guy with a heart of gold.Oh and he was very rich, i mean duh, he was the prince, heir apparent. (although why he was never atleast the king i never really understood)

SIDENOTE: i really love the way Prince charming was portrayed in Shrek as an attention seeking, weakling obsessed with his looks.

Reality
"Prince who? Oh you mean prince William yeah he's married, all the good ones are taken!"
And the oh so hanky king Oyo. (Dreams just, we can't all be Cinderella)
:-( Let's face it, the 'princes' are just spoilt rich kids who survive off daddy's money and influence and who have lived charmed lives.

Fairy tale
There's always a woman in distress who the prince invariably saves. The role of the prince as the savior of the damsel in distress, vanquish the evil and kiss  the lady. I mean read, cinderella, sleeping beauty, snow white princess and the frog, rapanzel, even shrek.

Reality
"Who the hell needs a man to rescue and save me, i can do what any man can"(snaps)"i'm a ninja," independent free thinking woman.
Us independent women, much as we believe in true love, (true most of us are too cynical), we don't want to be rescued. We can do anything a man can and even more atleast we like to think we can.

Fairytale
'......and they lived happily ever after, the end.'
After the evil queen has been silenced, (of course there's always one) he carries her into the sunset.

Reality
heartbreak, troublesome in-laws, kids, bills, work, bills, work, kids, more bills eh! Happily ever....what!!!

xx
Mable

MUSIC

I love music, i luuurve music. I can just sit down all day and listen to music... Whatever mood i'm in i feel alittle better when i listen to music... Someone said, not sure who it is, 'music is the heartbeat of the soul' and i believe this wholly.

I'd just had my heartbroken and all i wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry, however i listened Adele's album you know the one, i felt better.

However don't you wish that that there was background music playing when you make a monumental decision or when something significant is happening.... Like when you slap your enemy or frenemy (in most girls cases) and 'hit me with your best shot' starts playing or when you hear a rumour about something or someone and Adele's 'rumour has it' starts playing.Or whenn you are in pensive mood and Adele's don't you remember starts playing (as you might have noticed, i love Adel
e)

In music just like in movies you'll find the kind of love you wish you had and still hold out for, you'll find the heart break and the strenght to go on, sometimes, its music that gets through a day.

I think in an alternate universe (yes i watched way too much fringe) i'd be a film music supervisor or something along those lines..

Good music makes a good day and also makes a bad day better, in my opinion and i dare anyone to contradict me.

Xo
me

girl child education

so i was having a conversation with some1 recently, let's call her mama P. She is a woman, who never went so far in school, stopped in p.7. She asked what i was studying in the university i didn't tell her the fancy name of my course because (without conceit) she would not understand what it was, however i did tell her it was something to with engineering, to say that she was very surprised  would be an understatement. She was so surprised she made me surprised that she was surprised.
Here i was thinking that we live in a modern Africa where girl child education is no longer a myth but rather a necessity......i was surprised and not in a good way.
she thought that engineering courses were only meant for boys and the other fluff courses were for girls because boys are "stronger and brighter"
now this is a woman with about 7 daughterS, 3 stopped before they could complete secondary school to go get married.(That's a sad story)

And she's not the only one with that kind of thinking, alot of these illiterate women think that a girl's duty is to find a good husband and bear as many kids as possible, then die old.
However we live in a continent where by if one hasn't gone to school the opportunities available are limited. we can't afford to rest on our talents like most of the Americans.... A university degree is a prerequisite for success, the rarer the degree, like mine, the better.
what we need to do is to sensitise these women who think the woman's place is in the kitchen.

(granted we don't necessarily have to wear the pants in a marriage but that's a topic for another day)

OUR GIRLS NEED TO GO SCHOOL AND STUDY WHAT THEY THINK THEY CAN DO.
 otherwise the fate we have doomed our girls to is like the one of this girl child, seen carrying a child

xo
Mable

BOYS

so let's talk boys
for a long time most girls have asked themselves the question, 'why do i always fall for the bad boy' . i honestly don't have the answer to that, I'm no psycho analyst, however i do know that us girls love challenges and the challenge of changing a bad boy most times is irresistible.....having the bad boy change for, you, now that makes a girl feel even more special, like she matters. the bad boy in this case almost always ends up breakin the girl's heart

in the words of Mary J Blige, 'bad boys are no good, good boys are no fun' it could be true, most nice boys can be very boring but then again stereotyping could have a big thing to do with the fact that good, honest church boys are looked at as extremely boring. they could be interesting if u just took the time to know them......
some1 once said, 'behind every bad boy was a broken hearted good boy'
could this be true? or are they just bad for the sake of being bad....

as girls, are we always just looking to have our hearts broken by those no good boys.

my idea of love can be found in 1corinthians 13......in other words love, relationships, should not be hard work and bad boys are hard work.....

girls stay away from bad boys, they'll break your hearts

xo
Mable

Welcome to My Blog

okay so maybe this blog of mine is a glorified, public diary of sorts...i just hope what i go through and i'm able to post can be of help to people


yours truly
mable